Sober Talk Article for June 2009
Women in Recovery: A Journey of Contradictions
By; Kathleen M. Blair, LCSW-R
Historically, treatment approaches and the research they were based on, focused on
the experiences of men with addiction and recovery. More recently, it has become
evident that distinct concerns create barriers that keep women from seeking the help they
deserve and need: family, money, shame and denial
Women often fear that if they acknowledge their addiction, there is a good chance that
they will lose their children. How can they leave the care of their children for the 30 to 90
days required in inpatient treatment without being labeled as bad mothers? After all
the family structure in this culture continues to be built around the traditional role of
wife/mother as the primary caregiver for children. A mother taking a leave of absence to
get treatment for her disease faces stiff social stigma and sanctions. Her concern is that
the family will fall apart if she does; however, it is far more likely that the family will
fall apart if she doesn’t get the care she needs.
On the other hand, the children often represent the primary reason the addicted mother
seeks help. What they have not been able to ask for themselves, they are willing to ask on
behalf of the well-being of their children when they see how their use has impacted on
their child’s emotional or physical health. Despite the stigma of being labeled a “failure”
as a mother, failure to seek treatment is more likely to result in losing custody.
If a mother was diagnosed with cancer and needed immediate surgery, she would likely
be able to find a caregiver for the children to get the treatment she needed. What
most people fail to comprehend is that addiction is a potentially fatal disease, no
different than cancer.
All too often, women must also ask someone for the money necessary for treatment
before they can enter into it. Working outside of the home in addition to caring for
children, their financial resources are often limited to low wages without benefits. If they
have a partner, they may feel guilty about asking for money for themselves when
finances are tight. If they are fortunate enough to be a professional with a good paying
job with benefits, they fear that seeking treatment will cause the loss of that job.
From ancient times, women who “lose control” while drinking have been associated
with “loose morals”. Unlike male alcoholics/addicts who tend to be viewed as having
failed at a task, women addicts are viewed as having failed at the most important
relationships in their lives: that of wife and mother. Consequently, women tend to hide
their use to avoid this label.
Equal in potency to “shame” as an obstacle to treatment, is trauma. A high percentage
of women alcoholics/addicts are survivors of childhood abuse /neglect, sexual abuse,
rape, and domestic violence. Unresolved trauma issues may often be the reason that
women reach for a mood altering substance in the first place, to anesthetize the emotional
pain of those events. Gender specific treatment programs offer safety to women battling
addiction and trauma issues.
Like men, denial remains one of the biggest hurdles in seeking treatment. One third of
all women in the
Almost half of all high school girls drink, and one quarter binge drink. Treatment
statistics show alarming trends: more women are seeking treatment and the age at which
they are addicted has become much younger. Denial is a roadblock before, during and
after treatment; acceptance of being addicted means never being able to use again.
In successful treatment and abstinence there lies hope. When using, they were
balancing the demands of others and the demands of their disease and became completely
separated from their sense of self. In recovery, they learn to connect with that “self” as
well as with other women in recovery to learn to trust and value themselves, that self-care
is not being selfish, and the key to a successful and healthy life is not sacrificing oneself
to the disease of addiction.
Sober Talk is a
monthly column provided by the Alcohol & Drug Council of Tompkins Co., Inc.
and appears in the