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To me spirituality is about introspection. It is about looking at character traits that need to be changed and having the willingness to make the necessary changes. This means spreading yourself on the table like a jigsaw puzzle, sorting out the pieces to be discarded, replacing those pieces, and putting yourself back together again. To put ones life back together, just like Humpty Dumpty, the pieces of one’s life must be prioritized; family, religion, work, play, friends, hobbies, music, art, sports- whatever matters to you. These must be arranged in their rank of importance. Each piece must be evaluated.

Acceptance of the need to change and grow is slow. Peace and serenity come at a price. To have the faith that change can take place and that one can in fact implement change is often very difficult. One must come to the realization that “I can do this!” Others have. Why not me? I must put hopelessness, guilt, and self pity behind. I must see things differently. I must try a fresh new clean and sober approach. A spiritual approach perhaps?

I have had clients express the following: “I used to lie in bed for hours at night wondering why I couldn’t sleep. I finally figured out it was to give me a chance to listen to my higher power, to think about and look at myself. Now, once I’ve finished my prayer and meditation, I fall asleep like a baby.” Recovery is an evolutionary process, part of which is the development of spirituality.

A spirituality development plan might include the following: First, review your values. Values are the ideals that guide, or should guide our actions. They are the moral and ethical framework by which we live. When we are unsure of which road to take, our values should provide a map. It’s a pretty good guess that when under the influence of drugs or alcohol our behavior did not live up to our values. If you started using drugs at an early age, you may have not formed firm values. If you started using drugs later your values may have become distorted. You need to compare your list of values for yourself with the same list prepared by others such as your spouse, children, and minister. After studying the various lists, compose a list that is true to you. This exercise helps in the process of gaining new insights and knowledge about self, which is an important step in maintaining recovery from addiction.

Second, nullify the negative. Make a list of those things that you would like to banish from your life. If you are in recovery from addiction, this will probably include alcohol and drugs and a variety of other self defeating behaviors. Plan ahead. Think about and plan ways to enrich those parts of your life that are most important to you. Rid yourself of the negatives.

Third, put forth the effort to maintain the daily discipline needed to keep your spiritual program on track. An African Proverb says it well: “Do not look where you fell, but where you slipped.” Spiritual experience and spiritual awakening are not sudden or spectacular upheavals. They are evolutionary. They are different for each recovering person. The recovering person comes to see that the changes could not have come about by his efforts alone- he/she needed help, i.e., the need for support. Willingness to change character traits and honesty about the traits that need to change are essential to recovery. They come about by cultivating an open mind that listens and tries new ways of being that promotes change to a more fulfilling life.

Tom Lipa, MA, CASAC is a clinician at the Alcohol & Drug Council. The Sober talk column is published in The Ithaca Journal on the first Thursday of each month.