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Addiction is considered to be a chronic illness with biological, psychological, social and spiritual components determining its course. Much has been written on the biological aspects of alcoholism and drug addiction and most treatment modalities are fashioned on behavior modification. We have techniques on how to stop use of alcohol and drugs and how to maintain an alcohol and drug-free lifestyle. Addressing the physical component is the first step in the course of treating addiction. Once a solid physical foundation of an alcohol and drug free life style is established, the focus is then turned to mending relationships.

To ensure maintenance of an alcohol and drug-free lifestyle, the addict and his/her family need to become aware of how they mutually influence each other’s behavior. Each family member must see his or her part in the creation of the relational problem. It is easy to blame the addict for all the family’s problems because the problem behavior (drinking or drug use) is overt. Concurrently, it is easy to view the behavior of other family members as innocuous and inconsequential.

According to Family System’s theorists, family members mutually influence each other. Generally, the relationship between an alcoholic/addict and his/her spouse is complimentary. The more the alcoholic drinks, the more the spouse focuses on the problem behavior by trying to control it. The behavior of the alcoholic is a logical complement to the behavior of the spouse, just as the behavior of the spouse is a logical complement to the behavior of the alcoholic. Neither is to be blamed for behavior that has gained a momentum and fits the context of the relationship. Each member of the family needs to examine his or her part in maintaining the status quo. The patterns of interaction between the family members are logical and consistent to the context of alcoholism and addiction. More specifically, families with the theme of addiction follow a predictable interplay with one member over-functioning, i.e., taking responsibility for most aspects of the family’s life, while the addicted member under-functions, i.e., abuses alcohol and drugs and assumes the minimum of family responsibility. This complimentary dynamic allows the family to establish equilibrium or balance allowing it to function on a day to day basis. However, this type of interaction generates resentment and bitterness. It also interferes with the ability of each member of the family to reach his or her potential.

Even though addiction has a strong biological component, it is too simplistic to view it simply from a biological lens. The emotional currents inherent in a family unit are powerful and a determinant force that shapes familial interactions including drinking and drug use. Accordingly, recovery from addiction must include a process of reflecting on ones behavior in the family system and experimenting with new behaviors. With the help of a clinician, a person addicted to alcohol or drugs can learn to interrupt the automatic reactive stance he or she takes in relation to a spouse or a child. Likewise the spouse of an alcoholic can learn to interrupt the automatic reactive stance toward the alcoholic.

In conclusion, addiction has a potent relational component. Most self-help programs for alcoholics and addicts emphasize focusing on the healing of self. Likewise, the self-help groups for family members of alcoholics and addicts emphasize the importance of focusing on the healing of self. The self focus is a key element in the development of a sustainable alcohol and drug-free life style. All the 12-step programs rest on the premise that a person can change only his or her behavior. Therefore, attempts to change the behavior of another person are counter-productive.